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Stories of Hope

We will be Victors

bulletAuthor:    Shonagh
bulletAge:         20       

 

I was 13 years old 4 years past the sexual abuse my sister and I suffered at the hands of my brother and the year that a got rid of the mental abuse of a man I loved, or thought I loved. Things where hard stressful even unbearable. I had done it for years found a bit of glass on the floor or broken a glass in my hand, so I always had something to tell my parents so I would not have lied. Then on one summer evening I had a knife in my room for a school project I had to do. I then used that knife as a special project on myself and dug the knife deep in my wrist. Instantly I found the relief I was waiting for since I was 9 years old. I also remember feeling so guilty and the relief was far greater than the guilt so I continued to inflict the pain on myself. I started off with doing it only once a week then to twice and then before I knew it was every day to even more than that. I the progressed to taken od's and other ways to take my life. Then after years of self-abuse I finally stopped for a year and then I met a guy who treated me fair and good. he treated me as a person instead of a thing he made me feel a little more special than how I felt inside. Well before long I feel in love with him, he then he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Before long I became pregnant and then he started to rape me and stuff and before long I was drinking a 100 pounds a night and self-harming again. Because of the amount I was drinking I lost the baby and because of that I harmed more often. I eventually had a breakdown and we broke up. At the time I felt so low because I lost the love of my life. I was then referred to a place for people who have been sexually abused and still things where really bad took more severe do more severe cuts and so on. Then this year I confronted my brother and told my support worker about the baby and so on. Instead of Causing more harm to my body to myself I have talked about it it has helped so much. I have now been free of self-harm for 5 months now. I have built my own website for people who All the best Keep the faith and we will all be victors Love and much care, Shonagh