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Stories of Hope

The Unwanted Friend the Razor

bulletAuthor:    Roseanne
bulletAge:        19

 

 

I was 12 when it all started, I took one of my moms pearing knifes and went to take a bath.  I sat in the tub and cut up my arm really bad. Ever since then I have done it. That day seems like yesterday, over the years my cuttings got worse. In September of 2000 got so bad both arms were cut up and from my left hip up my side over across my stomach were the cuts I made in under 1 week. My problem of self mutilation started when I was beat at 11 1/2 by a guy I met at church. I've also had to deal with the fact my older brother was sexually abusing me too. My mom has treated me like crap ever since the day I started to cut up my arms. last summer I was raped by my ex and she could of cared less which made things worse on me, because I didn't fit her perfect daughter image. I've also had problems with anorexia and bulimia. Now it is slowly has come to an end because of one man that has shown me who I am. His name is Todd, he has made me feel so wanted and also has brought the best out of me. I can finally say to myself I don't need to hurt myself to speak my mind. I know this is the start of things, but it isn't over until it is over. I'm learning how to control the urges deep with in me. I love Todd so dearly and I care about him. I just hope one day he realizes just how much impact he has made in my life. he has been the best man I have ever been with. I know this problem is soon to be in the past and I carry the scars to prove how I have stayed alive with in for so many years. the day when I say it is over for good is the day that I'll look at my scars and say I made it this far ! and I'm not turning back.