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Stories of Hope

Keep Pushing On

 

bulletAuthor:    Nikki
bulletAge:        26

 

I began self injurious behaviour as far back as Kindergarten.  I remember doing things like trying to fall off the slide and the merry-go-round in hopes of breaking my arm.  Throughout my school years I was the one who took the brunt of everyone's jokes.  My first thought of suicide came in 8th grade.  A small eating disorder began in my senior year.  During this time I had met my husband who was my savior.  He rescued me, became my security post.  I thought about him every second.  He was out of school and living a couple of towns over.  He was four years older than I and I truly believe I wouldn't have made it through high school without him.  I had a big problem with self esteem.  I had no reason to because I was a very pretty girl.  Things happened to me when I was a child that diminished every scrap of self-esteem or self-confidence that I really never had a chance to mature.  The weekend after high school graduation I was married and bought a brand new home, a new car.

My husband had a very good paying job.  I finally believed I would be alright.  But I wasn't.  I went down hill.  I began drinking and overdosing, and over a four year period I did more things to my body than I can even believe.  Some pretty horrific things.  I was hospitalized a total of 15 times.  I was thrown into the mental health system and received a case worker and a therapist.  Of course through the years these people turned over to other people, but I always had them.  I still do.  Some of the greatest lessons that I have learnt came from these people.  Today I have two beautiful little girls.  A career as an emergence medical technician.  I have learned to love myself as well as other people no matter who they are of where they came from.  I still have a way to go to become the person that I really want to be, but people are constantly telling me that I am making leaps and bounds.  Myself and my family and friends come first.  Self injurious behaviour can be overcome.  You have to make the decision to get better first.