Stories of Hope

I hate Myself but I am Getting Better

Here goes I have been doing this sort of thing since I was fifteen and I have not gotten over it yet.  I started doing it when I was 15 and realized that God would not let me die.  I tried repeatedly to kill myself but god wouldn't let it happen.  like the time I bought a rope to hang myself and it broke.  I realized anyways that I didn't want to die but I wanted to damage the body that god had given me.  so I started carving my body.  well a few years later I started going to church and I substituted my feelings of self hate with god.  I am glad that I did that but now that I am 27 and in the army these feelings have come back.  I am married and have to great boys and I don't want them to have to go through with the same thing I am dealing with right now.  I have a supportive wife who even though she doesn't understand it wants to go to counseling with and with out me so that she can better understand my problem.  my abusive parents have gone to counseling for the last year or so and now are doing all they can to help me overcome this problem.  I thank god every day that I was unsuccessful at killing myself and I know that the only way I am going to overcome this is through him..
Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Igor